on the (literal) horrors of being a woman
aren't you having the time of your life?
[whispers all around]
“she had a bbl.”
“are those fillers?”
“her boobs are fake.”
“she’s pretty, but very tuned.”
“she got botox.”
this post was inspired by the substance, a film starring demi moore and margaret qualley, where the suffocating pressure of fame, beauty, and identity is explored with a grotesque twist. demi moore’s character, elisabeth sparkle, is a former fitness queen and oscar winner trying to keep up with a younger, shinier version of herself — who she quite literally births from a glowing, slime-green serum. over the course of the movie, elisabeth is replaced by a younger version of herself (qualley), and as her body deteriorates, the younger version grows into something even more terrifying: a hideous mutant hybrid of herself and her clone.
yes, it’s a bit on the nose, but i couldn’t help but see parallels with real life — the constant drive for self-reinvention, the impossible beauty standards, and the societal obsession with a “better” version of us. it’s like we’re all forced to inject ourselves with this metaphorical serum to keep up.
but this whole reflection wasn’t only inspired by the substance. it was also sparked by something much more real: a speech by spanish actress ester expósito at the premio bazaar women of the year 2024. expósito fiercely defended women’s right to change, to grow, to shed the skin of oppressive beauty standards, and to stop scrutinizing every inch of our bodies as if they were lab samples under a magnifying glass.
here’s a snippet of what she said:
“lo creáis o no, las mujeres, como los hombres, también crecemos, cambiamos, engordamos o adelgazamos y menos mal, porque esto significa que estamos vivas.”
(believe it or not, women, like men, also grow, change, gain or lose weight, and thank goodness, because this means we're alive.)
alive. and yet, society acts like we’re supposed to keep up with invisible standards set by, you guessed it — men.
expósito’s words led me to think about a powerful passage from the book out on a limb by hannah bonam-young, which sums this up perfectly:
“i, like most women my age, have learned to hate myself just enough to appease others. if you’re too fond of how you look, you’re told you’ll be unlikeable. labeled as self-involved, egotistical, or stuck-up. but it’s purposeful – pitting us against one another. consumerism demands we remain unsatisfied with our appearance. if we all liked ourselves, dozens of industries would crumble like babylon. we have to want a solution to whatever or however many problems plague us in order to keep those factories running.” (page 70)
bonam-young’s words capture the system that forces women into a cycle of constant dissatisfaction. we’re told we need to be better, thinner, smoother, younger, more. and when we fall into this trap of self-loathing, we feed entire industries built on our insecurities. if we were allowed to just be, it would threaten everything.
so why is it that women’s bodies are subjected to unending scrutiny? why can’t we be allowed to change without facing judgment? and why is there so little room for grace — for the acknowledgment of how much we go through and how much we give?
cue the song lyrics by miss taylor swift...
and let’s talk about clara bow.
you know, clara bow was one of the original icons of hollywood’s golden age — the very first “it girl,” a title that spoke to her effortless charm and magnetic beauty. in the 1920s, clara bow was the face of an entire generation, praised for her unique beauty, vivacious personality, and undeniable star power. but you know what else? she was relentlessly critiqued for her appearance, too. her wide eyes, her mouth, her “unrefined” features — the things that made her herself were the things people tore her apart for. it’s like society demanded her to be more, to be perfect, to be this flawless object of desire, but with the catch that it would never be enough.
fast forward to today, and nothing much has changed, has it? women like clara bow are still boxed into a standard of beauty that constantly shifts, constantly demands more. like taylor swift sings: “…you’ve got edge, she never did” — it’s not just about being beautiful anymore; it’s about being a certain kind of beautiful, one that can be repackaged and reimagined endlessly. it’s exhausting. we’re constantly chasing the “younger, fresher, more glamorous” version of ourselves, a version that may not even exist. clara bow’s story shows us how quickly women can be used up, celebrated, and then discarded — replaced with someone younger, more "modern," and more "perfect."
and yet, that cycle continues. this system doesn’t just ask us to change; it demands we stay the same while constantly trying to outdo the version of ourselves from yesterday. when will it stop? if ever.
now, i don’t dabble in politics. ever. and i’m not even american. but i do have an opinion on the recent election results, which, as you know, ended with trump winning the presidential election against kamala harris. i kind of expected it, but it’s still unbelievable. in 2024, americans would rather see a convict than a woman as president. that alone tells you how messed up things are.
donald trump has (as of november 2024) 91 felony charges and yet he was chosen to be the next president of the united states. this means women’s reproductive rights are once again in jeopardy nationwide. so not only are we judged for how we look; now, our fundamental rights are at risk too. another literal horror of being a woman in a world where our autonomy is constantly under threat.
i do not dabble in politics, but i am a woman. and this historical moment is a highlight on the literal horror that is, being a woman.
so, as you finish reading, take a minute to question the standards we’re asked to uphold — and decide what you’d let go of if you weren’t expected to measure up.
thats my reflection of the day and I hope you do love it subscribe! this post is free today and probably always but if you would like to pledge a little something I would appreciate it a lot! <3
love you!